Keep It Real
For most of my life, I’ve been mired in an existential dilemma. I’ve been doubting myself and getting in my own way. I’ve been cockblocked by my own beliefs; beliefs that I am not good enough, that I will never make it, or that there will always be someone doing it better, so what’s the point.
The life I wanted was always out of reach and the woman I desired to be was unattainable- the kind of woman who could strip down naked in front of any man and say “leave the lights on” because “look, I have imperfections, but I keep my shit right, and trust me, I know what I’m doing.”
I’m a late bloomer, like a 36 year old virgin finally discovering her sexual prowess. I now realize that the fact that I exist means I am worthy of this life. Also, I’m too old to give a fuck.
The truth is so rarely told, it is a delight to tell it.Emily Dickinson
I want to live an authentic life. I want to be honest with myself and share my truth with you. What’s true for me may not be true for you, and that’s all good. But in case what’s true for me resonates with you and makes you feel any of the following:
Then go ahead, leave the lights on.
Bitch, don’t kill my vibe.Kendrick Lamar
- I’d rather be a trophy wife than a sugar mama.
- There are 2 reasons people give to charity: to feel less guilty, and to make others feel more guilty.
- I’m down to have kids as long as I can hire somebody to cook, clean, and raise my children.
- Silent killers: high blood pressure, lead, cow farts, and reality TV.
- 3 healthy things that get a bad rap: caffeine, red meat, and revenge.
- A pussy drives a Prius.
A slut drives a beetle.
A bitch drives a Mercedes.
A cunt drives a sports car.
I’m a cunt.
- Douchebaggy: man whistling at woman
Douchebaggier: man hitting on woman at gym
Douchebaggiest: man on extra-loud motorcycle doing anything
- Question: is it classier to fart under the blanket or over it?
- Here’s a quick way to lose friends: be honest when they ask you for advice about their relationship.
- “You can’t handle the truthiness!” – politicians